As I type this, some whacked-out German pro skater (Grabke? Some historian will help out) is talking about growing up in East Berlin and stealing money from his mom to buy his first board (technically second, since he and his brother built a deck from scratch). To be honest, I love watching skate videos; specifically street vids. Skating is such a fluid sport, and watching a pro transition from deck to rail to deck to mini pipe is incredible. To a layman, it may look fairly simple, but that shit requires an absurd amount of coordination.
I always wished I had taken the time to learn how to skate; now, the envy I have towards skaters burns bright, like a putrid star, feeding planets life-giving rays in order for organisms to flourish and spread my hate among the galaxies. It seems the arc of my life has taken a sort of unfortunate turn south: my jolly girth, combined with my legendary motor skills, form a Japanese fighting robot the beats the shit out of all the cool prehistoric dinosaurs.
In addition to this, I always sort of pictured myself as a writer on a television program. In my dreams, these are people who choose which boobs to touch, how stars are born, and which heathen Christian is fed to the lion; oh, how my hilarious friends named Ari would laugh! My creativity tends to be volatile in nature, both in execution and content--at times I can write for hours or days about the most amazing shit, and other times I become road-blocked and refuse to put pen to paper (key to screen? What the fuck is the correct metaphor here?) out of abject fear of writing something "insipid," "uninspired," or "NCIS-quality."
Okay, I've switched programs: instead of eurotrash skating around a bombed-out Nazi base or something, I'm watching Nerdcore Rising, a documentary about nerd rappers. Should I want to be a nerd rapper or a documentarian? I guess this really has nothing to do with what I'm writing about, but I'm pretty sure I have no interest in either. As a documentarian, I'd be too biased towards whatever was funny and would be unable to present any topic faithfully. Any nerdcore rap I'd produce would be about comic book heroes, video games, typewriters; invariably, I would drop some sort of racial epithet or hilarious off-color comment in order to make people laugh. Because the cosmos is aligned in direct opposition to my happiness, the crowd would begin to boo and shout disparaging things about my penis. In my dreams, I have seen this eventuality. I have responded thusly: "Fuck you, universe."
This movie is great: one of the members of MC Frontalot's band is explaining the rules of Magic: The Gathering. This explanation lasts nearly three hours, but it's incredible: this kid's passion is palpable, like a delicious fruit. The scent is pungent, the taste extraordinary. Again, I'm digressing.
I hate soccer; I've never watched more than 30 minutes, the rules are ridiculous, it's fucking long as hell... And yet, being a soccer play looks so glamourous. Jet-setting around the world, kicking balls at Italian people--what's not to like?
This doc just showed the guys from Penny Arcade. Writing a profitable web comic--monetizing "shit from a butt," as it were--is about as close to "Man, I wish to shit I was doing this" as you can get. I'm constantly reminded that these guys write about themselves, yet don't, as their horrifying visages never show up in the comic proper; they use cool-looking stand-ins. Not me. If I can't make myself the center of attention, what's the point? I suppose that's the take-away of all this: I don't care what I do, as long as people love me.
Apologies. I must get ready for bed; I need to be up early to go to my job of caring for people who will never care for me.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Previously On...: The Five Best Television Series of the '00s
*As it's been a while since I've had a computer and done any serious writing (outside of my faux-novel at work), so the first few posts will be lists, because they are easy and comforting and... well, easy.
Previously On...: The Five Best Television Series of the '00s
To say that television has evolved over the past decade would be an understatement. From the mockumentary U.S. adaptation of The Office to the high-drama-meets-science-fiction of Battlestar Galactica, storytelling has reached a new plateau on the small screen. And while I would be not only a liar but an outright bastard to say that I have seen every series that's been on TV this decade, I feel certain that I've seen enough to know what is what. I'm excited! Let's watch some tube.
5. Six Feet Under
What I have loved most about Six Feet Under--more than the expertly-crafted, three dimensional characters and outlandish-yet-strangely-realistic story lines--has been the sense of finality. From the first minutes of the first episode, this show about death had been at ease with the impending end. And every episode since the first followed the Fisher family's strange odyssey through life, love, and death; highlighting the tragedy and morbid comedy of the undertaking business. Yeah, morticians are traditionally a buttoned-down, no-nonsense bunch, but the foibles and warts of the characters kept me coming back again and again--even though I knew it had to end sometime.
4. Battlestar Galactica
To be honest, I have to admit that I had absolutely zero interest in the conflict between the humans and the cylons at first. Haven't we done this before? Man versus machine, yadda yadda yadda... But on the strong recommendation of numerous people, I watched the miniseries. After that, I watched the first episode. The taut writing, claustrophobic atmosphere, and excellent acting from a group of talented character actors was intoxicating. But the show went one step further, displaying an intense, insightful contrast between prolonging extinction and working to end another species. Sympathetic villains, daring allegories to current events, and an honest interpretation of religion rounded out an amazing experience. And while the show could not maintain the momentum of the first few seasons, it was never less than time well spent.
3. The Sopranos
Most would place this show firmly at the top of any list about best shows of the decade (or even ever, as some have said), and that certainly would be hard to argue against. Tony Soprano is one of the most multifaceted, despicable, lovable, conflicted villains to ever be written. And he's the main character! Trying to rationalize his actions, to not be repulsed by this man, is trying. This is to say nothing of his "families," a group of maladjusted and fascinating monsters. The Sopranos is a monstrosity of a program, both repelling and compelling. A fitting description.
2. The Wire
I only ever saw the first season of The Wire. That's how good of a show this was. I can't go into detail, but the drama between the police and a drug ring is absolutely riveting. Perfect pacing, storytelling, and characters. No show instills the want--no, need--to watch just one more episode.
1. Futurama
Tender, hilarious, tragic, incredible. Just a few of the hyperbole-free adjectives that can freely be applied to Matt Groening's masterpiece. The tragedy of a man out of his time, hopelessly in love with a woman who continually spurned his advances, his only friend a murderous, drunken robot... Who hasn't been there? Any show can make you laugh so hard that you cry. But to be able to turn around and break your heart in the same episode requires something truly legendary. Futurama was unfortunately cancelled before it was ready, although it has received numerous reprieves in the form of movies and a renewed run on Comedy Central. Should it reach only a fraction of its previous glory... Well, it still stands to be one of the best shows of the coming decade.
Previously On...: The Five Best Television Series of the '00s
To say that television has evolved over the past decade would be an understatement. From the mockumentary U.S. adaptation of The Office to the high-drama-meets-science-fiction of Battlestar Galactica, storytelling has reached a new plateau on the small screen. And while I would be not only a liar but an outright bastard to say that I have seen every series that's been on TV this decade, I feel certain that I've seen enough to know what is what. I'm excited! Let's watch some tube.
5. Six Feet Under
What I have loved most about Six Feet Under--more than the expertly-crafted, three dimensional characters and outlandish-yet-strangely-realistic story lines--has been the sense of finality. From the first minutes of the first episode, this show about death had been at ease with the impending end. And every episode since the first followed the Fisher family's strange odyssey through life, love, and death; highlighting the tragedy and morbid comedy of the undertaking business. Yeah, morticians are traditionally a buttoned-down, no-nonsense bunch, but the foibles and warts of the characters kept me coming back again and again--even though I knew it had to end sometime.
4. Battlestar Galactica
To be honest, I have to admit that I had absolutely zero interest in the conflict between the humans and the cylons at first. Haven't we done this before? Man versus machine, yadda yadda yadda... But on the strong recommendation of numerous people, I watched the miniseries. After that, I watched the first episode. The taut writing, claustrophobic atmosphere, and excellent acting from a group of talented character actors was intoxicating. But the show went one step further, displaying an intense, insightful contrast between prolonging extinction and working to end another species. Sympathetic villains, daring allegories to current events, and an honest interpretation of religion rounded out an amazing experience. And while the show could not maintain the momentum of the first few seasons, it was never less than time well spent.
3. The Sopranos
Most would place this show firmly at the top of any list about best shows of the decade (or even ever, as some have said), and that certainly would be hard to argue against. Tony Soprano is one of the most multifaceted, despicable, lovable, conflicted villains to ever be written. And he's the main character! Trying to rationalize his actions, to not be repulsed by this man, is trying. This is to say nothing of his "families," a group of maladjusted and fascinating monsters. The Sopranos is a monstrosity of a program, both repelling and compelling. A fitting description.
2. The Wire
I only ever saw the first season of The Wire. That's how good of a show this was. I can't go into detail, but the drama between the police and a drug ring is absolutely riveting. Perfect pacing, storytelling, and characters. No show instills the want--no, need--to watch just one more episode.
1. Futurama
Tender, hilarious, tragic, incredible. Just a few of the hyperbole-free adjectives that can freely be applied to Matt Groening's masterpiece. The tragedy of a man out of his time, hopelessly in love with a woman who continually spurned his advances, his only friend a murderous, drunken robot... Who hasn't been there? Any show can make you laugh so hard that you cry. But to be able to turn around and break your heart in the same episode requires something truly legendary. Futurama was unfortunately cancelled before it was ready, although it has received numerous reprieves in the form of movies and a renewed run on Comedy Central. Should it reach only a fraction of its previous glory... Well, it still stands to be one of the best shows of the coming decade.
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